This is a difficult post for me to write but I thought it would be therapeutic for myself and maybe others.
My last contest of the year was probably the most fun I’ve had all year and then was coupled with my most disappointing moment. Show day my emotions went from a complete high to a complete low.
I had the pleasure of going through the show with a fellow competitor Sara Solomon. We met this summer while attending Lyzabeth Lopez’s Fitness Model Workshop. We had a great time filming behind the scenes video and laughing in the car. We kept each other calm and positive backstage and I really had a great time chatting with her and having her yell good luck or go get em before my time on stage. When the award show time came I was pumped. I felt good about my time on stage. I know that I shine on stage, have a killer walk and let my personality come through. There were 4 girls in my category. They called out the top 3 and I was left in the crowd of competitors biting my tongue, staring straight ahead trying to control my emotions. I’m very emotional to begin with so it was hard for me. After a year of clean eating, working out and 5 contests I thought that this was my time. I was hurt. There was no doubt about it. I was still able to smile and congratulate winners backstage but I was a hurting unit. I have the clear knowledge that these contests are subjective and even if I shone in one area I lacked in another. Looking at pictures I know that my physique is not comparable. I’m still tiny. I don’t have the muscular definition I need.
It took alot for me to admit “defeat”. I swallowed my pride and I’m still ok and proud of myself. I know what I need to work on and I’m good with that. I guess it’s the part of me that likes a challenge. Back to the drawing board/gym I go. I’m developing a team of trainers and getting professionals to mold me further. As proud as I am that I did my 2009 transformation mostly on my own. I need a helping hand, a bit of a push and someone to yell at me when I only want to do 10 pushups. I look back on my placings and have to be proud of the fact that I got the courage to compete at all and be spurred on to do better next year and in years to come.
My 2009 Contest Placings
WBFF – did not place top 10… no idea where I ended up (I think over 50 girls were in the category – pros and amateurs)
Flex Bikini – did not place top 16… no idea where I ended up (out of 90 girls in the category – pros and amateurs)
UFE Halloween – #9! Top 10… goal accomplished (I think over 20 girls)
UFE Nationals #10 Still Top 10!… goal accomplished (Out of 12 girls)
Fitness Star Montreal Last Place. But Not Defeated.
After a contest the first question people ask you is “How did you do?” Totally understand that it’s a contest with placings and it’s usually the general curiosity. A part of me, no matter what my placing, wishes it was a different question.
“Did you have fun?”
“Meet any new competitors?”
“Are you proud of what you’ve done?”
I had to take a step back from the contest mentality and remember why I started fitness and why I’m making it my passion outside of the office. When I get a comment on facebook or twitter or in person that I’ve motivated or inspired someone to change their lifestyle, get back in the gym or try a new healthy recipe I get this overwhelming sense of happiness. That I’ve made an impact. That my lifestyle, contest prep, gym life is not just for me. That is why I want to keep doing this and to strive for better. I have fun prepping for contests and competing. I’m addicted. But I’ve realized that I do it for a greater impact. I do it because I like this hobby. I do it because I have never felt better. I do it because I’ve met great friends, potentially life long friends. And for that I’ll take my last place and be spurred on to improve and always strive for greatness.
It’s cheesy but this year of competing has taught me a lot about swallowing your pride. Every person is great. Not everyone can always be an amazing superstar. Those who have made it don’t usually talk about the times where they didn’t. So I hope by sharing these thoughts I’ve spurred someone else on to not give up. I’m not. Back in the gym this week 🙂